18 Holes or 40 Winks?

Watching paint dry is more mentally stimulating than watching a match of golf, according to a report released by Neufchatel Research Insititute.

Candidates were given various interactive tasks, such as playing games or reading books, while others were given passive tasks such as watching television or, in some cases, watching paint dry. Each wore a calibrated cap hooked up to an EEG to record the activity of the brain.

While it may come as no surprise that passive tasks produced brain patterns closely resembling sleep, what scientists were not expecting is that watching golf produced similar results.

“In fact the brain was demonstrating cycles akin to phase 2 sleep in the ‘golf’ subjects. They had effectively switched off. The ‘paint’ subjects actually had a higher level of brain function,” says Renee Curvelle, member of the research team.

Delving into the possible causes of the result proved insightful.

“It seems that in a minority of candidates, watching the sport elicited an excited response. For the majority, though, their brain went through stages of annoyance, boredom, then active imagination to relieve that boredom, finally reaching a quiescent acceptance, at which point it shut down. The ‘paint’ watchers, in contrast, did not exhibit the acceptance stage and remained in the imagination stage,” Renee says.

The study hopes to shed light on sleep disorders related to over-stimulation of the brain and develop non-drug alternatives.

“It is possible that, in the future, rather than prescribing sedatives, we might find doctors prescribing a comfy chair and watching mundane sports like golf.”ChesterLogoSmall

The Best Medicine

Forget laughter as a cure-all, unless it’s part of a romp in the sheets. A new study reveals that the exercise and reproductive hormones that come as part of a sexually active lifestyle actually contribute greatly to health.

“The study was so conclusive,” says Jim Barker of the National Administration of Drugs and Procreation, “We were all shocked at the result. Sure, there is the obvious exercise and endorphin, but it’s more than that. Thirty minutes of sex, twice a week, had a more positive effect on the body’s overall health than daily, hour long exercise regimes.”

Scientists measured resting heart-rate, blood sugar and fat content, cortisone, salt and fluid levels, along with less tangible elements such as mood, alertness and cognitive ability. When compared to the control, candidates who did little or no exercise and did not engage in sexual activities, a sexually active lifestyle far outshone a lifestyle of exercise.

Other factors, including alcohol and tobacco consumption, age, level of education and the subject’s demographic were taken into consideration. Interestingly, these factors had little bearing on the overall results when it came to those who regularly made love.

“It’s like chalk and cheese. It’s easy to see how anecdotal evidence spawned this research. Those who had regular sex performed better across the board. They were less stressed at work, enjoyed life more and were fitter both mentally and physically. I wouldn’t be surprised if a doctor were to prescribe it as a precautionary measure.”

He stresses that maintaining a healthy diet and performing regular exercise outside of the bedroom is still recommended, despite the research.

He laughs, “Think of it as a super-food, a booster for your general well-being. Please, by all means, keep eating kale and carrots and going for runs, but, every now and then, drop the dumbbells and start playing sack races.”ChesterLogoSmall