Category: Strange News

Wormhole blamed for Disappearance

A rift in the space-time continuum has been cited as the ‘most likely’ reason Professor James DuClair of Michigan is no longer contactable.

“It’s completely out of character for him to just go wandering off. There’s nothing to suggest foul play, nothing to suppose he might be in hiding,” says a colleague, who refused to be named, “If you know Jay, you know that the only thing that could stop him from coming into work is if he got swallowed up.”

The only evidence to his whereabouts lies in his laboratory, where his notes, equipment and even his desk have vanished. Strangely, CCTV footage shows Professor DuClair entering the premises, but not leaving.

“He couldn’t have moved all of this by himself, and there’s always someone here, so they would have seen something,” says the colleague, “The killer thing is that his research is gone. In a way, it kind of explains what happened.”

When asked about his line of research, we were denied any details, informed only that Professor DuClair was working on ‘Trans-Dimensionsal Propagation of Photons’.ChesterLogoSmall

Dial Away Your Fat

Forget diet and exercise and embrace your mobile phone. Recent studies have shown that having a digital phone in our back pocket can help you burn off more fat, even when you’re not moving.

Arman Raseekasingha of Balmain Research has studied the effects of mobile phone proximity to adipose tissue.

“We concentrated our efforts where the phone was most likely to be in contact based upon common usage. This is the chest area and the rump area. There was a measurable difference in the quantity of fat cells between those sides that had a mobile phone in proximity,” he says, “In most cases it’s not visible to the naked eye. There are some exceptions. We have documented several samples where the breast and rump tissue is obviously asymmetric, and in each case the person has chronic exposure to a mobile phone on the smaller side.”

He says possible explanations for the increased loss of fatty tissue around areas exposed to mobile phones include an increased localised temperature, or perhaps that there is a tendency for the phone to be placed on the person’s natural dominant side. When asked whether cell phone radiation could be the answer, he replied, “Absolutely not.”

“We cannot talk about causality at this stage. These findings show a correlation,” he says, “There is no cause for alarm. There is also no reason to base a law suit on these findings: Lopsided breasts or posterior have more to do with diet and genetics than exposure to a mobile phone device.”ChesterLogoSmall