Watch out Below, it’s ‘Para-poo’!

Researchers in Belgrade have been spending their days throwing faeces out of drones. In a recent release, the team has revealed their preliminary findings pertaining to one’s diet and the aerodynamics of poo.

Says Yuri Asmorov, “You’d be surprised the amount of defecation that is released from flying vehicles every year. Some of the more solid masses can reach a high velocity and may even cause destruction. Others, the more loosely held stools that is, are dispersed readily, which we fear may contribute to the spread of faeces-borne diseases.”

He goes on to cite the recent outbreak of dysentery caused by a particular strain of protozoa that was shown to be only available inside the gut of humans.

“The only way that strain could have covered such a large area is if it (the faeces carrying the protozoa) was blown into a kind of aerosol. Looking at the flight pattern of the aircraft, we can see that it’s very close to the official path of many jetliners.”

The team is now divided into groups, each eating a particular diet known to affect the style, substance and consistency of faeces. Each member’s sample is collected and sent up in a drone to various heights, and the final speed, scattering, area-coverage and ‘splat’ is recorded by high-speed cameras.

“The vertical drop test is already showing promise. We need to step it up and try various combinations of speed, wind, humidity and the like. We are considering using a wind-tunnel to facilitate this, but so far we have not been able to convince an operator to let us use one.”

Yuri and his crew will continue the tests and present their full findings next year.

ChesterLogoSmall

Mobile Phones Dangerous

The smart phone industry has brought many advances in mobile technology but, along with the good, comes the bad. Eye fatigue and repetitive strain injuries are reportedly on the rise, and along with the common-place medical issues, doctors have seen a rise in other, more obtuse diagnoses.

“I’ve heard anecdotal evidence (from other clinics) that neck and shoulder muscle injuries have tripled. We’ve got a serious rise in the number of direct head and limb injuries related to people walking into poles, falling off platforms and hitting overhead obstacles,” says Sue Sapenard, General Practioner in London’s East End, “People just aren’t paying attention to what’s around them. My colleague (Dr. Brett McMahon) also suspects that there is a link to psychoses like paranoia.”

‘Socal-media Overexposure’ or SMO may become a diagnoses, she says, a condition whereby people cannot ‘switch off’ the social portions of their brain, and so are constantly worrying too much about how they appear to others.

“This can lead to over analysing, repetitive thoughts and the like, which then grows to full blown paranoia,” says Dr McMahon, “We can also see that there is a genuine anxiety tha a phone has being hacked, or that it’s taking over one’s life or even that it’s out of date. It’s the same disease, just with a different context.”

Drs Sapenard and McMahon are preparing a report that they hope will highlight the need to ‘downtime’ apps on phones to be made mandatory, and ultrasonic sensors to be built in as standard to warn about impending obstacles.ChesterLogoSmall