Category: Chester Press

Hats off to your brain

Wearing a close fitting hat is a way to decrease one’s intelligence, according to Manfred Toule and his team of scientists. In a study involving more than five hundred candidates, the figures show that wearing and not wearing a hat creates a noticeable change in the apparent IQ.

“We had our candidates perform a set of tests over several days. Some wore hats first, others wore hats second, some wore none at all,” he says, “Those who wore no head-wear deomnstrated a relatively constant IQ. Those who wore hats, however, had an almost consistent 13% decrease in their apparent IQ on the days when their heads were covered.”

The teams first embarked on the research after they noticed that, in a separate study involving hair and intelligence, those with less on top tended to have more up top.

“The theory is that the brain, being so large in the human body, requires a very temperature regulated environment. One of the reasons we perspire so much, for example, and have such a large surface area on our head, is to shed the excess heat. Our cooling ability works quite well, so the ambient temperature normally doesn’t play a significant role in our ability to think.”

Tight or insulated head-wear, though, changes the way the body regulates its temperature and, as a result, the cranial temperature increases and this, he says, appears to be the main reason for the drop in intelligence.

“We have also experimented with the type of hat. Large, open space hats, like top-hats or stove-pipe hats, don’t exhibit as severe a drop, whereas woolen beanies, caps and ushankas all push the IQ down.”

Manfred has enlisted a design engineer to create a head cooling apparatus to see if a drop in cranial temperature results in a change in IQ, also.

“If it turns out that there is an optimal temperature for thinking, we may soon see a market for devices like this in offices, laboratories, anywhere that requires brain power. And why not? Athletes have specialised clothes to ensure their body runs efficiently, why not intellectuals?”

Manfred’s research is expected to be completed next year.

ChesterLogoSmall

Guan de Fangshi – The Way of the Tube

Getting pernickety about your poop is all the rage. “Guan de fangshi” or “The Way of the Tube”, is the latest fad to hit health-nuts. According to Kim Lee, proponent of the new health regime, Guan Fangshi is about controlling when, where and how you defecate in a bid to remove harmful sha chi and si chi from your system.

“The Western Lifestyle is so rushed, so frenetic that the one of the most important parts of the Cycle is often neglected. We know from ancient traditions that controlling the way food enters the body is just as important as controlling the way it is removed,” she says, “By denying your bowels their chance to ruminate upon the passing waste, you deny the time necessary to fully remove the harmful toxins and chi that lingers in your system.”

The centuries-old practice was once the domain of a Guanzi, a Tube-Sayer, who would be responsible for educating youngsters on the proper way to defecate. The movement is all about the quality of a Session – Kim’s polite term for a visit to the John – and seeks to align not only colons, but chakras as well. Lee goes on to show how modern scientific analysis is already agreeing with the results.

“This blend of Eastern and Western Medicine goes a long way to solving many of the ailments of, not only the colon and rectum, but the entire digestive system and the rest of the body. Since it is all connected, fixing an issue in the lower bowel can have knock-on effects, and we often have people telling us that, since they have committed to Guan Fangshi, their asthma, lethargy and even diabetes have disappeared,” she says, “In conjunction with acupuncture and meditation, this should not be seen as a radical thing, rather it should become part of daily life. Every Session is special.”

Kim Lee is writing a book about Guan de Fangshi and how we can all benefit from having calm, proper Sessions.ChesterLogoSmall