Hats off to your brain

Wearing a close fitting hat is a way to decrease one’s intelligence, according to Manfred Toule and his team of scientists. In a study involving more than five hundred candidates, the figures show that wearing and not wearing a hat creates a noticeable change in the apparent IQ.

“We had our candidates perform a set of tests over several days. Some wore hats first, others wore hats second, some wore none at all,” he says, “Those who wore no head-wear deomnstrated a relatively constant IQ. Those who wore hats, however, had an almost consistent 13% decrease in their apparent IQ on the days when their heads were covered.”

The teams first embarked on the research after they noticed that, in a separate study involving hair and intelligence, those with less on top tended to have more up top.

“The theory is that the brain, being so large in the human body, requires a very temperature regulated environment. One of the reasons we perspire so much, for example, and have such a large surface area on our head, is to shed the excess heat. Our cooling ability works quite well, so the ambient temperature normally doesn’t play a significant role in our ability to think.”

Tight or insulated head-wear, though, changes the way the body regulates its temperature and, as a result, the cranial temperature increases and this, he says, appears to be the main reason for the drop in intelligence.

“We have also experimented with the type of hat. Large, open space hats, like top-hats or stove-pipe hats, don’t exhibit as severe a drop, whereas woolen beanies, caps and ushankas all push the IQ down.”

Manfred has enlisted a design engineer to create a head cooling apparatus to see if a drop in cranial temperature results in a change in IQ, also.

“If it turns out that there is an optimal temperature for thinking, we may soon see a market for devices like this in offices, laboratories, anywhere that requires brain power. And why not? Athletes have specialised clothes to ensure their body runs efficiently, why not intellectuals?”

Manfred’s research is expected to be completed next year.

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Think Smaller

In a recent study, researchers at Kern County have found that a larger brain isn’t necessarily a ‘better’ brain.

“Based looking at the quantity of brain mass, both in weight and volume, of individuals and comparing it with their various responses to tests, we have determined that a smaller, denser brain processes information at a faster rate,” says Eric Walhelm, head researcher at Brain and Lung Studies, “The capacity, learning ability and other factors are not affected as much, with no distinct determining factor found among our testing criteria.”

A 5.0% reduction in synapse distance, for example, corresponds to a 2.5% increase in speed from node to node, which manifests as a 7.4% overall increase in speed of thought.

When quizzed as to why this might be the case, he was reluctant to say, “There are too many variables to call this conclusive. All we know is that our preliminary analysis shows a negative correlation between brain volume and speed of thought. Like having shorter roads, you can travel at the same speed and get to your destination faster.”

Pressed further, he suggested that a reduced physical distance between operational synapses allows for less ‘travel time’ of electrical impulses, and therefore faster overall responses. This has led to some speculation that new ‘mind-shrinking’ drugs may be on the cards for investigation, those that boost density by shrinking the volume.ChesterLogoSmall